if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
