Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
