Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
