she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
