i think i have two assholes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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