Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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