thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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