DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
