I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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