Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
