if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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