Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
