1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
