haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
