i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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