are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
