think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
