i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
