she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
