I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
