Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
