I love having hate sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh god it's open bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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