billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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