We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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