I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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