In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
