There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
