Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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