I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
