Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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