I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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