so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
