I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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