fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
