You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its liver damage thursday
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