sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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