whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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