Non-Jews are for practice
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
