you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
