I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
