that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
