Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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