there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
