I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize