so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
