i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
