you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
