...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
