If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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