So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
