btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
