She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize