Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you will always have a special place in my vag
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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