i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
