I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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