i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
