Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
