woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
