You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
