So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
