My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
