My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize