BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
