ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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