All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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