If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
