I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
