as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
