Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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