Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
