I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
