Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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