Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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