Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
