just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
