Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
