hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
