hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
