you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
