I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
