U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't motorboat a personality
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
