Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
