Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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