if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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