Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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