Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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