I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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