Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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