Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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