I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
