he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
