I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
