You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize