she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
