i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
