answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
