I cannot find my penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
