I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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