im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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