I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
