Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
