By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
