i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
