Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
